magicians

"I have a little theory that I'd like to air here, if I may. What is it that you think makes you magicians?" More silence. Fogg was well into rhetorical-question territory now anyway. He spoke more softly. "Is it because you are intelligent? Is it because you are brave and good? Is it because you're special?

"Maybe. Who knows. But I'll tell you something. I think you're magicians because you're unhappy. A magician is strong because he feels pain. He feels the difference between what the world is and what he would make of it. Or what did you think that stuff in your chest was? A magician is strong because he hurts more than others. His wound is his strength.

"Most people carry that pain around inside them their whole lives, until they kill the pain by other means, or until it kills them. But you, my friends, you found another way; a way to use the pain. To burn it as fuel, for light and warmth. You have learned to break the world that has tried to break you."

affected

someone please tell me why i get so affected just by talking to unhappy people

this is not fun

damnit

6months

nice to know that i could probably post things here without anyone reading them.

6 months is a long time. gosh.

when people expect good of us, are we supposed to always be on the lookout for such things?
i've spent 3 days so far helping someone who needs it. then i inadvertently did not give up my seat for an old man on the train. someone did it before me. and now i feel bad. sigh

say goodbye

for someone who feels it the most right now

S Club - Say Goodbye

In the years to come
Will you think about these moments that we shared
In the years to come
Are you gonna think it over
And how we lived each day with no regrets
Nothing lasts forever though we want it to
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you

[chorus]
Sometimes goodbye though it hurts in your heart is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye though it hurts is the only way now for you and me
Though its the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
Because a true love never dies

In a year from now
Maybe there'll be things we'll wish we'd never said
In a year from now
Maybe we'll see each other, standing on the same street corner though it rains
Each and every end is always written in the stars
If only i could stop the World i'd make this last

[Chorus]
Sometimes goodbye though it hurts in your heart is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye though it hurts is the only way now for you and me
Though it's the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
Because a true love never dies

And when you need my arms to run into
I'll come for you
Nothing will ever change the way i feel

[Chorus]
Sometimes goodbye though it hurts in your heart is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye though it hurts is the only way now for you and me
Though it's the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
Because a true love never dies

expecto patronum

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Expecto_patronum#Expecto_Patronum_.28Patronus_Charm.29

Expecto Patronum (Patronus Charm)

Pronunciation: ex-PEK-toh pa-TROH-nuhm

Description: Conjures an incarnation of the caster's innermost positive feelings, such as joy, hope, or the desire to survive, known as a Patronus. A Patronus is conjured as a protector, and is a weapon rather than a predator of souls: Patronuses shield their conjurors from Dementors, and can even drive them away. A Patronus "cannot feel despair, as real humans can, so Dementors can't hurt it."^[16] The conjured Patronus protects the witch or wizard that summoned it, obeys his or her commands, and fades away shortly after it is no longer required. When conjured, a Patronus appears silvery, ethereal, and semi-transparent. Improperly formed Patronuses range from momentary formless bursts of silvery mist, to poorly-defined forms which are easily defeated or quickly dissipate on their own. A full-fledged (or corporeal) Patronus takes on a fixed animal form that is often significant to the witch or wizard casting the charm. Patronuses summoned by a particular person have been known to change, such as Tonks' patronus. Rowling has said that Snape was the only Death Eater to be able to produce a Patronus. According to her this is 'because a Patronus is used against things that the Death Eaters generally generate, or fight alongside. They would not need Patronuses'.^[17] According to Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, the Charm is also the only known defensive spell against Lethifolds.

Seen/Mentioned: First seen in Prisoner of Azkaban when a Dementor appears in the Hogwarts Express, and Hermione says that Remus Lupin repelled the Dementor by casting a silvery object from his wand. Harry's corporeal Patronus first appears in a Quidditch game, and it is used by other characters throughout the rest of the series.

Notes: Dumbledore has devised a method of using Patronuses to deliver messages putting it into the exclusive use of the Order of the Phoenix. Members of the Order are the only wizards who know how to use their spirit guardians to send messages to one another. According to Rowling, the Patronus is "an immensely efficient messenger" as it is not hindered by physical obstructions or dark matters. Each Patronus has a special quality and appearance that is different and easy to recognise, which makes it clear which Order member has sent the message. In addition, since no one can conjure another person's Patronus, this method of communication does not carry the risk of passing fake messages.^[18] It is noteworthy that in Deathly Hallows, McGonagall creates three Patronuses simultaneously to call for Professors Flitwick, Sprout, and Slughorn.

Suggested Etymology: Expecto Patronum is Latin for "I await a protector".^[19] It is related to "pater" (father) and Harry's Patronus indeed takes the same form as that of his father's animagus form (a stag).

what're we living for

i'd intended to write this when i get home but it's my last night on my hospital bed and i can't sleep so i'm doing this in the dark for who knows what reason. gah.

i watched harry potter 5 twice in the last two days (sorry hospital tv is rather limited) and i started thinking (like i always do every single time i watch a harry potter movie) what i'm doing with my life. i've tried rationalising about why it's harry potter that triggers these thoughts most, and frankly i'm at a complete loss. the only reason i'm ashamed to admit is that it's possibly because i'm jealous of him, of the people in the movie, of the story of their lives.

sure, it fits almost any stereotypical teenage hero stories. fighting the growing evil, learning about themselves, findign love, hate, jealousy blah blah blah. but there's something about harry potter that draws millions and millions of fans (and no, it's not entirely because of emma watson). maybe it's just how it's presented. as much as i'd like to avoid it, it keeps leaving a disgustingly deep impression on me that makes me think more than i want to.

but aside from the largely childish adventures, it is their lives that intrigue me the most. i spoke to someone earlier who commented something along the lines of i wouldn't want to be neville longbottom, he always gets picked on. irony is that i used to be victim to this very person's words and actions, and he knows it. so their lives still contain the same factors that make us gripe about ours.

but i think there's something more. the message i get, that i'm missing out in my own life, is that they are doing something good, something useful, even at worst something interesting with their lives, no matter the danger, the life-threatening situations, the screwed up family trees. they lead their lives according to their own values, which i realised is becoming increasingly difficult these days.

whose dream are we talking about, when we say 'this is my dream job, my dream uni course, my dream life'? is it really our dream? or the one that was set before us. how many of us can claim an ambition that is truly our own, without any influencing factors from outside? how many med or law students have known that they have wanted to be doctors/lawyers from the day they first experienced rational thought? maybe some will raise their hands, and fair enough i respect that.

but personally it's taken me up until somewhere in year 5 or 6 that i started thinking about what I wanted to do, not what my mother or my friends or the damn Singapore dream wanted me to do. what did i want to do? in the end it was clear that my own path was pretty far off the track that people thought i would go and wanted me to go. but i suppose that was the first step in my own little rebellion.

i watched bucket list 4 times as well (sorry, hospital tv again) and again it made me think about how we really want our lives to be defined. by the contribution we've made to society? which society? my family thinks there's enough trouble in our home country and uses that as a reason to bar me from overseas trips to help the community there. and the stupid thing is, i have nothing to say to that. it's perfectly true. so i have to contribute (in my family's eyes) to a community that has in fact done more to limit what i can do than actually open up the roads for me, just for the reason that i don't have to travel anywhere? i'm sorry, my head has trouble wrapping itself around that one.

so what is it then that we can do, that our lives have a certain definition, or any definition at all? do we all have to be like the late DBS CEO? why is that? it's simply because that's become the the common 'dream' of everyone, the measure of success, and in this world only success matters. of course there are those handful that will succeed no matter where you put them. take away their family, their education, their finance, everything, and they'll still succeed. these are special people. not everyone is like them, and it's about time people realised that. not everyone has the same dream. otherwise they wouldn't be a success story. they'd be normal.

maybe if you're reading this you'll think i'm saying this because i want to be remembered when my life is over. no it has nothing to do with that. it has everything to do with what i'm doing with my life right now. for the coming months i'm going to face a very boring period of my life, where almost everything i enjoyed has been temporarily taken away. and it puts into further perspective the question of what i'm doing with my life. because one day, life may not be so kind to me. it may not give me back what i love after it has taken them away. would my life still be worth living if that time comes? who can answer that question, because i sure as hell can't. all i can do is watch harry potter.

the search is over

The Search Is Over - Survivor

How can I convince you
what you see is real
Who am I to blame you
for doubting what you feel
I was always reachin',
you were just a girl I knew
I took for granted the friend I have in you

I was living for a dream,
loving for a moment
Taking on the world,
that was just my style
Now I look into your eyes,
I can see forever
The search is over,
you were with me all the while

Can we last forever,
will we fall apart
At times it's so confusing,
the questions of the heart
You followed me through changes,
and patiently you'd wait
Till I came to my senses,
through some miracle of fate

I was living for a dream,
loving for a moment
Taking on the world,
that was just my style
Now I look into your eyes,
I can see forever
The search is over,
you were with me all the while

Now the miles stretch out behind me,
loves that I have lost
Broken hearts lie victims of the game
Then good luck,
it finally stuck like lightning from the blue
Every highway's leading me back to you
Now at last I hold you,
now all is said and done
The search has come full circle,
our destinies are one
So if you ever loved me,
show me that you give a damn
You'll know for certain the man I really am

I was living for a dream,
loving for a moment
Taking on the world,
that was just my style
When I touched your hand,
I could hear you whisper
The search is over,
love was right before my eyes